I had an epiphany when I came across the statement; “choosing to not make a choice, is a choice in itself”. It made me rethink my past; considering where I blamed others for an experience, when in actual fact it was me who had allowed it. So no-one else was to blame, but me… That then took me on a whole new negative journey; blaming myself instead of others.
Fortunately with extra life experience, books, movies and therapy, I came to the conclusion that using words with negative connotations rarely produces anything positive in your life. Now when rethinking the above, I choose to replace the word “blame” with “responsible”; so no-one else was responsible, but me.
Taking ownership of all that happens in your life is empowering in itself, even if the results aren’t entirely favourable. It’s amazing how a shift in thinking can alter your sentiment with regards to any situation and give rise to a totally different emotional response. We relinquish our power when, consciously or unconsciously, we allow others to steer our lives. The same goes for just letting life happen because in doing so, you render yourself helpless.
It’s a bit difficult rethinking what you could have done as a child because your parents/guardians were in charge and they made all the decisions. You didn’t really have any power over what happened, but now your power lies in how you choose to view those choices that were made for you.
Caregivers choose to do what they think is best for you at the time. People of yesteryear questioned less and were more accepting of authoritarian figures. This conditioning led to automatic decision making, based on old mindsets passed on from previous generations, so even though circumstances had changed, often the responses did not. Breaking this cycle, with out of the box thinking, was very difficult because you had to challenge all that you were taught. The youth of today can speak up for themselves more easily, challenging those in charge, especially if what’s happening to them is deemed oppressive because there is more recourse.
Making life choices is trying at the best of times and having the responsibility of doing so for others, is even worst. Fortunately there’s a positive to every negative thought or feeling. If little people are under your care, then you have been gifted with a great opportunity to equip them with the necessary skills to make smart personal choices. You can start to inculcate decision making from a very young age by allowing them to decide on what to wear or how to spend their saving. Yes, these may be very simple decisions, but the experience of being responsible and learning to take charge of your own choices will greatly benefit them in the future.
As adults we are all faced with tough decisions and indecisiveness can be very overwhelming and stressful. The inability to make calculated choices for ourselves can be draining and that may lead us to allow others to take charge. This can result in major problems which can be emotionally stifling and even crippling later on in life.
If you’re lucky enough to come from a background where you obtained all the necessary skills to make your own decisions, then you’ll be in a position to live a life without regret because you’re able to take ownership of all that’s happening in your life. Should this not be the case and you find yourself pondering what you would have done differently if given a do-over, you could find yourself stuck in a horrible place filled with self-doubt and regret.
Do not fret if you’re in an unhappy place, questioning all that you’ve done thus far. From this comes personal growth, but only if you take the time to forgive yourself and others for past experiences. Evaluate your current situation and know that you can choose to do whatever makes you happy at anytime. It’s never too late. You’ll need to weigh all the pros and cons to establish what is and will be most beneficial to you in the long run. Your emotional happiness and mental sanity depends on it.
You’ll have a whole lot to contemplate if you’re sitting with a work or relationship conundrum. Children will definitely complicate these decisions. Many parents make detrimental decisions considering what they think is best for their children. What they fail to realize is that, what’s good for them is most probably best for their children as well because a happy person makes for a happy parent. The task of making life changing decisions is not always easy. It may take some sacrifice; maybe even relinquishing some creature comforts you’ve become accustom to.
Whether you’re stuck in a job that’s unrewarding or in a relationship that is unfulfilling, questioning all your life’s choices or lack thereof, it’s good to reflect on how all these things came about. We need to question what criteria forms the bases of our decision making. It’s imperative that we consciously weigh all the information at hand before drawing to any conclusions, including: how we feel, what we know to be true and have learned from experience. This is often not the case, especially when life seems too chaotic. That’s when we find ourselves reverting to autopilot choices or procrastination because the whole process feels like too much of an effort. Many people fear making changes to remedy their situations because they are afraid of making the wrong choice. Valuable lessons often come from what we perceive to be a “wrong life choice” because it resulted in a bad experience or situation, but that may be the very catalyst needed to lead you to your blissful state. You have to be willing to take a chance and sometimes your safest choice is not always the best choice, but that is still your choice because you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences.
Always doing things to please others opens a whole can of worms. By doing so you lose yourself and afterwards you may not even be able to identify what you love, want or makes you happy. To ensure your happiness you have to believe in doing what’s best for you because you are deserving of everything good in this life. If you’ve always been a ‘people-pleaser’, then this change in attitude will be met with resistance. The people close to you or that you come into contact with on the daily will start to question: “Who is this person?” and “What happened to the person we knew?”. Arguments will ensue. Just be calm. Explain your position. If they respect, love and care about you, then they will understand and come to terms with your new disposition. If not, then they are not worthy of your time or energy! You are in control. You always have a choice. This is your power and your happiness does count. You can’t please or make everyone else happy all of the time, so why not choose to please and make yourself happy instead.
Dogs are most likely to run to you on your return and this is often interpreted as love and affection. Part of that reason may be because they are solely dependent on you.
Cats are more likely to do things on their own and just because they may not run to your side, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are cold or unfeeling. They’re just minglers and explorers.
I choose with love and my choices always steer me in the best direction possible.
You are the TOTAL SUM of all your LIFE CHOICES…
My Sister’s Keeper
by Jodi Picoult
Genre : Novel / Domestic Fiction
Time : 1hr 41min
Genre : Drama/Fantasy
Power by Little Mix