Doing nothing leads to nothing!
Nothing comes from nothing!
Your only charm!
Lonely or Alone
Berate or Reflect
Fill the void
Enjoy the space
Doing nothing leads to something…
Something does come from nothing…
Be still. Feel calm.
Your healing balm!
We all fall prey to self-harm when the mental, physical and emotional pain or strain we feel becomes too great to bear.
Self-Criticism, Self-Sabotage, Self-Exertion, Self-Deprivation, Self-Mutilation, they all harm the self! It matters not what you do or to which level you do it, the result is the same. You are harming yourself. This can happen on a minor or major scale, some of which others will be able to observe and some only you will be aware of.
Self-harm is the result of judgement. This could be from others or ourselves. The basis for these judgmental thought patterns can be all of our own doing or maybe it stems from conditioning.
Much of what we do or how we go about doing things can be explained from what we’ve experienced, learnt and accepted to be true from a young age. Negative reinforcement comes from our childhood. This was how we were taught what behaviour is acceptable. “NO! Do NOT do that!” It denoted what was needed and expected from us to conform to societies norms in order to fit in. No-one is to be blame. It is what it is. The best thing that you can do is to assist yourself to unlearn this negative narrative by any positive means possibly and necessary.
Negativity eats away at our inner most being and is the culprit responsible for causing heartache and pain. Many of the ways we negate this pain can be detrimental to our health. We are all guilty of the following; it’s only the degree to which we do it that differs:
I’m too short, too tall, too fat, too thin…., whatever it may be. The strangest thing about our fault finding is that someone else out there sees it as the solution to all their problems. The lack of self-acceptance is the gateway to all types of self-harm. It starts with a negative thought pattern which goes hand in hand with negative emotions. The most important thing is to be able to realise when you are heading down this path, so that you can steer yourself in a more opposite direction or be able to seek help if you aren’t able to achieve this on your own. Know that you are not alone in this plight.
Exams are a month away…, so why delay doing revision or the start of your studies? Quarterly work reports…, you literally have a 3 month head start to plan and strategize, so why leave it until the last minute? Procrastination…, subconsciously we are setting ourselves up for failure. Could it be because we feel undeserving…, and undeserving of what? What is the reason behind this belief pattern? Why do we delay our own good? Only you know the answers. Knowing the answers will make it easier to change your thought patterns, but even if you can’t find them, the change is still possible. You must just be willing and prepared to take the time to do the mental work. “I deserve the very best that life has to offer!” You have to think this, say this and eventually you will believe this. This belief pattern will help you break the cycle and then your new narrative will in-turn bring about a new attitude; one that allows you to enjoy all the good in your life.
Working till all hours, exercising excessively, sometimes we just don’t know how to slow down or stand up for ourselves. Whether your reasons are to excel or to block feelings, these actions will probably yield good short-term results. Unfortunately, it can’t last. Unless you alight from this negative train and board a positive one; taking better care of yourself, you are heading straight for a breakdown or meltdown.
Starvation or overeating, we all do it, but it doesn’t pose a problem for most. Anorexia, bulimia, obesity, it all started from somewhere. We weren’t born wanting to do this to ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism and not a good one. Our bodies need constant nourishment and sustenance from healthy foods and restful sleep. Insomnia is often the result of not being able to switch off. Sleep deprivation can have such a negative effect on your body. It’s not just about beauty on the outside; it’s also about your insides, the way your body works. You know how your work is substandard when you are tired, so consider how your body must be struggling under these circumstances to perform all the necessary functions that are continuously needed. When you are not good on the inside, then you cannot be good on the outside and this could result in you being a nervous wreck and constantly at the end of your tether. Only you are in control of what you put into your body and how you chose to take care of it. This decision lies solely with you. You are privileged to be in charge of this wonderful machine that you call your body. Being in this position, makes you all powerful, so be sure to use it wisely.
Anything we do that is not good for us or our bodies is mutilation. Upon hearing self-mutilation, most people only think of something physical like cutting or burning, but this should not be the case. What about drug addiction and alcoholism? The thing about mutilation, is that it can happen on an emotional, mental and physical level. You are more than just your physical self. You comprise of your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, what you consume, how you treat yourself and the esteem in which you hold yourself. Negative thoughts harm you emotionally and bring you down. They literally start mutilating you from within. It matters not whether these negatively charged thoughts are geared towards yourself or others. It occupies mental space which hampers your ability to function. Positive thought patterns on the other hand will pick you up and lead to you doing good for yourself and others.
Please be realistic about overcoming this conditioning because it cannot be permanently undone. All you can do is to remain vigilant, so that every time ‘self-harm’ rears its ugly head, your ‘self-compassion’ is right there to chop it off. It’s important to have self-compassion because it leads the way to self-acceptance which naturally morphs into self-love. You can be confident in the knowledge that self-harm cannot survive in the presence of SELF-LOVE.
We are the only ones who will be with us forever. If we hurt someone else, they have the choice to walk away. Unfortunately we are not awarded this same fortune, so remember to be your own best friend. Do for yourself all those nice things you would for someone else because you are your very own special someone.
Monkeys sometimes pull out their hair. Maybe its because of a previous trauma. Babies observe this behaviour and then do it themselves. Some mothers are even guilty of “grooming gone wild” with regards to the little ones.
My body is magnificently wondrous and beautiful in every way and I always treat myself with loving care and support.
If your compassion does not include yourself, then it is incomplete. (Buddha)
The Mastery Of Self
by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
Genre : Self-help (Mind, Body & Spirit)
The Karen Carpenter Story
Time : 1hr 28min
Genre : Biography/Drama/Music
You drive past a jogger and with admiration you think, “What dedication and perseverance!”. You come across a well organised desk and you think, “It must be amazing to always have everything so neat and tidy!”. You are at a luncheon and your co-worker orders a salad with no dessert and you think, “Now that is great willpower and self-control!”.
What you do not know is the reasons behind all those seemingly good things. Some-times what appears good on the outside may stem from a not so good place on the inside.
The jogging may have started as a stress release which is good, but then as the stress increases, the jogging also increases and afterwards that coping mechanism could start taking a toll on your body… shinsplints, hairline fractures, or worse.
Many try to adjust their eating habits and begin making healthier foods choices but if or when you find yourself in a slump and not able to deal with emotional stress you may find yourself becoming more strict on your eating habits. This can escalate to such a degree that it leads to very restrictive eating or the total opposite is also possible, and you may find yourself overeating uncontrollably.
Having everything neat and tidy may have always been your thing, even as a child or maybe that only came about later on in life. Irrespective of when… it’s nice to have order in your life but should you feel as if you are loosing a handle on your life, you may find yourself obsessing too much over your surroundings. In the worst case scenario, this could spiral into a compulsive behavior which can ultimately cripple your life.
The above scenarios initially stemmed from seemingly good habits, but they can ultimately lead to disorders that are bad for your health. None of us are able to control everything in our lives but do various things in order to feel in control of something. It all stems from the helplessness experienced when your world seems to be spinning out of control. We may not be aware of this occurrence because it often happens on a subconscious level before it manifests in our physical world. The shift from being ‘good for you’ to becoming ‘bad for you’ is very subtle. Most of us will not notice it as a problem until something happens to bring it to our attention or someone else makes mention of it.
Perfectionism, dedication, perseverance, willpower and self-control are perceived by many as great qualities and are often praised. This is the main reason why it is difficult to comprehend that any of these qualities could escalate into something negative.
The time old saying “EVERYTHING IN MODERATION” is obliviously more knowledgeable than we think. Or maybe we do think it but fail to realize when we pass the point of moderation. There are always signs along the way. It is up to us to stop and take notice. We need to remain conscious about finding a balance between all the things that occupy your time so that no one thing monopolizes it.
I wish you a very long and happy life of moderation.
Some birds nest in crocodile or alligator infested areas. This may be because they help clear away snakes and other predators that feast on birds and their eggs. So this seemingly bad decision, that could get them eaten, in actual fact increases the chance of their off-spring surviving.
I love myself, therefore all that I decide to do is always in my best interest and for my highest good.
Your life is the total sum of all your decisions, so decide wisely!
Title : As Good as It Gets
Time : 2hr 19min
Genre : Drama/Romance
Be Alright by Kehlani
Tight chest, thumping heart, shortness of breath or a lump in your throat; I’m sure many of you have experienced one of these at some time or maybe even all at once.
It could be plain old anxiety or a panic attack if your surroundings start spinning, maybe even a heart attack if you feel a sharp pain but what if it’s accompanied by a smile forming across your face?
Any one of these experiences will lead you to gasp for air. The former three will have some sort of adverse effect on your life but the latter will most probably leave you sighing with relief.
Some people may let this experience pass without a second thought. Others, after composing themselves may have questions racing through their heads. “What was that?”, if it passed quickly or “What is going on?”, if you remain smiling at nothing in particular. When you stop smiling but the feeling of elation remains, you may wonder, “What is this all in aid of?”.
Smiles for no reason at all, inexplicable moments of elation and still thoughts of total contentment are results of pure happiness. On the contrary expressionless faces, mind racing thoughts and heavy hearts are the result of a life in momentary turmoil.
We can’t expect to be happy all the time but we can try to lessen the things that threaten our happiness. This would include the pressure of expectation placed on us by either ourselves or others. It’s very difficult to be happy if you are feeling overwhelmed by all your responsibilities.
How about doing a little exercise?
Write down a list of what you HAVE TO DO for yourself:
I HAVE TO PACK MY CUPBOARD
I HAVE TO TAKE MY CAR FOR A SERVICE
I HAVE TO…
Now re-write the same list starting with I WOULD LIKE TO:
I WOULD LIKE TO PACK MY CUPBOARD
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MY CAR FOR A SERVICE
I WOULD LIKE TO…
Reading this list will ultimately put a whole new spin on your feeling towards the tasks but you may still not really want to do any of them.
Replace ‘WOULD LIKE’ with ‘NEED’ and then think of the worst case scenario should you decide not do to these things:
I NEED TO PACK MY CUPBOARD – If not then
I’d waste time searching for things which could make me late!
I NEED TO TAKE MY CAR FOR A SERVICE – If not then
It may breakdown causing major damage which will take longer and cost more to repair. I may have to be without my car for much longer than the day service would take.
Now re-looking your list with consequences you can decide what it is that you REALLY need to do.
This will ultimately shorten your list and lessen your stress. You may even find that your feelings towards certain things on your ‘TO DO LIST’ changes after you complete something that you ‘REALLY NEEDED TO DO’.
The things you know and feel that you ‘have to do’ for family, friends and work can evoke feelings of guilt and fear and nothing good ever comes from those emotions.
I suggest that you apply the same strategy as above. You may want to add in the benefits of doing these things, including how it makes you feel with the positive and negative spin-offs thereof. This may seem very long winded but the more you do it, the easier it becomes and you may not even need to write anything down. Only do what makes you feel good and don’t even bother with that which will go unappreciated. Make doubly sure that you have enough time in your schedule because there’s nothing worse than being inundated with no end in sight.
We all have things that we absolutely love to do but tend to overlook prioritising them. What we fail to realise is that these little things are fundamentally important to our overall happiness. So please remember to do the little things that make YOU HAPPY!
The quokka, part of the kangaroo and wallaby family, has been described as the “world’s happiest animal”.
I have the right to choose to do what makes me happy!
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
by Ann Brashares
Young Adult Fiction Novel
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Time : 124 min
Drama / Comedy-drama
The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars