Tag: Couple Therapy

If you are or were in a relationship you will know that it isn’t always an easy choice to “makeup and be happy”, as this is totally situation dependent. It’s imperative that you weigh up all the pros and cons!!! A word of caution though; be careful of selfless or selfish decision-making as it may well lead you down an even more unhappy path…

The major difficulty lies in knowing what’s best for you and having the courage to make a decision based solely on this. Only you know what truly makes you happy and therefore only you can make the choice. Your happiness must be a priority because you are the most important person in your life. We often forget this and end up making compromising decisions which ultimately are to our detriment.

It is an immense undertaking figuring out whether a relationship is still worth your time and energy or if your partner is still deserving of your love, trust and commitment?

So now you find yourself tussling with a decision-making dilemma, after realizing that your happiness should be your first and foremost concern.

Hopefully some of what I highlight can assist you to come to a clear conclusion because no one is deserving of living a fuzzy life filled with self-doubt and what ifs.

JUST WALK AWAY

• If Your Are Being Used or Abused

Does Quid-Pro-Quo scenarios often present itself? Financial, social standing or benefits of a different kind? When you find yourself questioning your partners motives, then you already know the answer.

Physical! Emotional! Psychological! Any type of abuse is a no-no. It’s absolutely non-negotiable. You need to escape their clutches. You better leave and don’t ever look back.

• If Jealousy/Obsession Is Making You Uneasy/Nervous

This is one of those 6th sense situations. You have to be aware of and listen to your inner voice. My advice is normally ‘when in doubt, do not do’, but in this case your uncertainty is key and the answer you seek is to move on.

• If Your Partner Refuses Professional Assistance

When it comes to addiction of any kind, you will need outside help, whether it’s from a counselor or a support group.

You instinctively know when the good health of your relationship is being compromised and if you can’t convince your partner of this fact and, or to go with you to therapy then you will always find yourselves at loggerheads. Your decision to opt out will depend on how long you are willing to deal with this situation.

• If Your Partner Denies You The Commitment You Need

Everyone’s commitment time-frame requirements differ so be very careful of offering ultimatums. Be 100% sure that you are prepared to live with the consequences no matter the verdict.

• If You’re The Only One Making An Effort

Should you find yourself continuously harping on the subject of a one-sided relationship with no sign of change, then it’s about high-time that you hightail out of there, otherwise you will end up resenting your partner which will do neither of you any good.

• If You Come To A Negative Realization

You’ve lost contact with all that was good in your life. You no longer do what used to bring you joy. Your career, friendships or other relationships are suffering and you feel alone or isolated. If any of these ring true for you, then you are in a toxic relationship which needs exiting immediately.

NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME

What can you accept and what can you not? Are you able to give it another go after the fact or not? None of this is cut and dry. The choice is up to you… Do not allow yourself to be pressured into anything…

Remember, ‘Your Happiness First’.

Our perspectives and priorities change as life happens. So I change, you change and life goes on, but what happens when these changes start pulling you apart. Religious changes… Political changes… Financial changes… . If you find that you are totally different people and unhappy as hell with each other because of this then cut each other loose. Set your partner free. No use staying out of a sense of duty or loyalty. No shame in choosing yourself above all else.

• Non-negotiable Qualities?

So your partner is faithful but unhelpful, or helpful but unreliable, or reliable but inconsiderate. What can you accept and which are you able to live with. Yes, relationships are about compromise but there’s a chance that what’s acceptable now may well end up being the straw or straws that lead to the breaking down of your relationship. Take the time to evaluate harshly. Rather make the hard decisions sooner than later or you may end up having to deal with disappointment, heartache and regret as well.

DEFINITELY STAY

No relationship is perfect. There’ll be ups and downs, but does the ups outweigh the downs? I would suggest a 60/40 rule. By this, I mean that when your personal relationship happiness rating is at 60%, you should ponder if there’s anything you can do to up this ratio because you ultimately want to be sitting at an 80/20 split.

Now comes the crucial questions : “Do I still want to be in this relationship?”, “Is this relationship worth my effort?”, “Can we make this better?” and “Are we willing to make this better?”

• Willingness to compromise

Do you have a 50/50 relationship? If we do what makes you happy now are we going to do what makes me happy next? If either of you are uncompromising, then your relationship will eventually take a downward spiral, but that’s not the end of the world. If you truly love one another then all is surmountable. It’s all about communication, being able to express yourself, and most of all having a partner who is willing listen as well as trying to understand, which will then ultimately lead to you both making the changes for greater harmony together.

• Comfortable with life altering decisions

Are you willing to move cities for each other whether for work or health reasons? Do you see yourself buying or sharing a home together? Will religious differences pose a problem when having children or as you grow older? We often don’t consider these questions until we are actually confronted with them.

• My best friend

Who is the first person you want to share your good news with? Who do you need amidst a crises? If your answer is ‘your significant other’, then your relationship is most certainly worth the work. The opposite is also equally important. Are you the first person your partner seeks out for all the above. If your answer is yes, then consider yourself one of the luckiest people on the planet. Everyone, no matter what they may proclaim, would love to be the center of someones attention and affection. We all yearn to be loved and cared about. It is the most amazing feeling to love and be loved in return.

CONCLUSION

All relationships need work. The more time you invest, the harder it is to throw in the towel. Giving up is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength. Having the strength to call it: “BUILD!” or “BREAK!”

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I WISH YOU LUCK IN LOVE!

Barn owls are normally monogamous, but about 25 percent of mated pairs “divorce.”

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Affirmation:

I am in a loving relationship and my partner and I respect each other.

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Quote:

Be careful of WHO and WHAT you invest your TIME in because it is NON-REFUNDABLE.

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Inspiration:

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SONG

I’d Rather by Luther Vandros

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