Advice, Compassion, Personal Growth, Self-love

Self-Harm, All Guilty!

We all fall prey to self-harm when the mental, physical and emotional pain or strain we feel becomes too great to bear.

Self-Criticism, Self-Sabotage, Self-Exertion, Self-Deprivation, Self-Mutilation, they all harm the self! It matters not what you do or to which level you do it, the result is the same. You are harming yourself. This can happen on a minor or major scale, some of which others will be able to observe and some only you will be aware of.

Self-harm is the result of judgement. This could be from others or ourselves. The basis for these judgmental thought patterns can be all of our own doing or maybe it stems from conditioning.

Much of what we do or how we go about doing things can be explained from what we’ve experienced, learnt and accepted to be true from a young age. Negative reinforcement comes from our childhood. This was how we were taught what behaviour is acceptable. “NO! Do NOT do that!” It denoted what was needed and expected from us to conform to societies norms in order to fit in. No-one is to be blame. It is what it is. The best thing that you can do is to assist yourself to unlearn this negative narrative by any positive means possibly and necessary.What is Self Compassion

Negativity eats away at our inner most being and is the culprit responsible for causing heartache and pain. Many of the ways we negate this pain can be detrimental to our health. We are all guilty of the following; it’s only the degree to which we do it that differs:

Self-criticism
Inner VoiceI’m too short, too tall, too fat, too thin…., whatever it may be. The strangest thing about our fault finding is that someone else out there sees it as the solution to all their problems. The lack of self-acceptance is the gateway to all types of self-harm. It starts with a negative thought pattern which goes hand in hand with negative emotions. The most important thing is to be able to realise when you are heading down this path, so that you can steer yourself in a more opposite direction or be able to seek help if you aren’t able to achieve this on your own. Know that you are not alone in this plight.

Self-sabotage
Exams are a month away…, so why delay doing revision or the start of your studies? Quarterly work reports…, you literally have a 3 month head start to plan and strategize, so why leave it until the last minute? Procrastination…, subconsciously we are setting ourselves up for failure. Could it be because we feel undeserving…, and undeserving of what? What is the reason behind this belief pattern? Why do we delay our own good? Only you know the answers. Knowing the answers will make it easier to change your thought patterns, but even if you can’t find them, the change is still possible. You must just be willing and prepared to take the time to do the mental work. “I deserve the very best that life has to offer!” You have to think this, say this and eventually you will believe this. This belief pattern will help you break the cycle and then your new narrative will in-turn bring about a new attitude; one that allows you to enjoy all the good in your life.

Self-Exertion
Working till all hours, exercising excessively, sometimes we just don’t know how to slow down or stand up for ourselves. Whether your reasons are to excel or to block feelings, these actions will probably yield good short-term results. Unfortunately, it can’t last. Unless you alight from this negative train and board a positive one; taking better care of yourself, you are heading straight for a breakdown or meltdown.Negative Talk

Self-Deprivation
Starvation or overeating, we all do it, but it doesn’t pose a problem for most. Anorexia, bulimia, obesity, it all started from somewhere. We weren’t born wanting to do this to ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism and not a good one. Our bodies need constant nourishment and sustenance from healthy foods and restful sleep. Insomnia is often the result of not being able to switch off. Sleep deprivation can have such a negative effect on your body. It’s not just about beauty on the outside; it’s also about your insides, the way your body works. You know how your work is substandard when you are tired, so consider how your body must be struggling under these circumstances to perform all the necessary functions that are continuously needed. When you are not good on the inside, then you cannot be good on the outside and this could result in you being a nervous wreck and constantly at the end of your tether. Only you are in control of what you put into your body and how you chose to take care of it. This decision lies solely with you. You are privileged to be in charge of this wonderful machine that you call your body. Being in this position, makes you all powerful, so be sure to use it wisely.

Self-Mutilation

Shit ThoughtsAnything we do that is not good for us or our bodies is mutilation. Upon hearing self-mutilation, most people only think of something physical like cutting or burning, but this should not be the case. What about drug addiction and alcoholism? The thing about mutilation, is that it can happen on an emotional, mental and physical level. You are more than just your physical self. You comprise of your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, what you consume, how you treat yourself and the esteem in which you hold yourself. Negative thoughts harm you emotionally and bring you down. They literally start mutilating you from within. It matters not whether these negatively charged thoughts are geared towards yourself or others. It occupies mental space which hampers your ability to function. Positive thought patterns on the other hand will pick you up and lead to you doing good for yourself and others.

Please be realistic about overcoming this conditioning because it cannot be permanently undone. All you can do is to remain vigilant, so that every time ‘self-harm’ rears its ugly head, your ‘self-compassion’ is right there to chop it off. It’s important to have self-compassion because it leads the way to self-acceptance which naturally morphs into self-love. You can be confident in the knowledge that self-harm cannot survive in the presence of SELF-LOVE.More Beautiful Than Harm

We are the only ones who will be with us forever. If we hurt someone else, they have the choice to walk away. Unfortunately we are not awarded this same fortune, so remember to be your own best friend. Do for yourself all those nice things you would for someone else because you are your very own special someone.


Fact:Monkey Mother Grooming

Monkeys sometimes pull out their hair. Maybe its because of a previous trauma. Babies observe this behaviour and then do it themselves. Some mothers are even guilty of “grooming gone wild” with regards to the little ones.


Dazzling HeartAffirmation:

My body is magnificently wondrous and beautiful in every way and I always treat myself with loving care and support.


Quote:Sparkling Rainbow

If your compassion does not include yourself, then it is incomplete. (Buddha)


Inspiration:

BOOK
Mastery of Self - BOOK

 

The Mastery Of Self
by  Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
Genre : Self-help (Mind, Body & Spirit)

 

MOVIE
The Karen Carpenter Story - MOVIE

 

The Karen Carpenter Story
Time : 1hr 28min
Genre : Biography/Drama/Music

 

SONG


Advice, Life, Self-love

From Good To Bad For You


You drive past a jogger and with admiration you think, “What dedication and perseverance!”. You come across a well organised desk and you think, “It must be amazing to always have everything so neat and tidy!”. You are at a luncheon and your co-worker orders a salad with no dessert and you think, “Now that is great willpower and self-control!”.

What you do not know is the reasons behind all those seemingly good things. Some-times what appears good on the outside may stem from a not so good place on the inside.

jog-eat-drinkThe jogging may have started as a stress release which is good, but then as the stress increases, the jogging also increases and afterwards that coping mechanism could start taking a toll on your body… shinsplints, hairline fractures, or worse.

eat-skinny

Many try to adjust their eating habits and begin making healthier foods choices but if or when you find yourself in a slump and not able to deal with emotional stress you may find yourself becoming more strict on your eating habits. This can escalate to such a degree that it leads to very restrictive eating or the total opposite is also possible, and you may find yourself overeating uncontrollably.

Having everything neat and tidy may have always been your thing, even as a child or maybe that only came about later on in life. Irrespective of when… it’s nice to have order in your life but should you feel as if you are loosing a handle on your life, you may find yourself obsessing too much over your surroundings. In the worst case scenario, this could spiral into a compulsive behavior which can ultimately cripple your life.

ocd-add

The above scenarios initially stemmed from seemingly good habits, but they can ultimately lead to disorders that are bad for your health. None of us are able to control everything in our lives but do various things in order to feel in control of something. It all stems from the helplessness experienced when your world seems to be spinning out of control. We may not be aware of this occurrence because it often happens on a subconscious level before it manifests in our physical world. The shift from being good for you’ to becoming bad for you’ is very subtle. Most of us will not notice it as a problem until something happens to bring it to our attention or someone else makes mention of it.

Perfectionism, dedication, perseverance, willpower and self-control are perceived by many as great qualities and are often praised. This is the main reason why it is difficult to comprehend that any of these qualities could escalate into something negative.

The time old saying “EVERYTHING IN MODERATION” is obliviously more knowledgeable than we think. Or maybe we do think it but fail to realize when we pass the point of moderation. There are always signs along the way. It is up to us to stop and take notice. We need to remain conscious about finding a balance between all the things that occupy your time so that no one thing monopolizes it.

I wish you a very long and happy life of moderation.


Fact:Crocodile and Bird

Some birds nest in crocodile or alligator infested areas. This may be because they help clear away snakes and other predators that feast on birds and their eggs. So this seemingly bad decision, that could get them eaten, in actual fact increases the chance of their off-spring surviving.


Affirmation:Lightbulb Jumping

I love myself, therefore all that I decide to do is always in my best interest and for my highest good. 


Quote:Diciding Emoji

Your life is the total sum of all your decisions, so decide wisely!


Inspiration:

BOOK

The Singles Game - BOOK

 
 
The Singles Game
by Lauren Weisberer
Genre : Romance Novel/Sports Fiction
 

MOVIE
As Good As It Gets - MOVIE

Title : As Good as It Gets
Time : 2hr 19min
Genre : Drama/Romance

SONG
Be Alright by Kehlani


Advice, Self-love

Slow Down, Take Time and Enjoy Being


I found the statement: “We are HUMAN-BEINGS and not HUMAN-DOINGS” so profound that it got me thinking. Most of us will probably have great difficulty with just being because we are too caught up with doing.

We live in an age where productivity is of the utmost importance. Everyone is always trying to optimize something or the other.

People often feel guilty if they are not physically doing something because we have cultivated a society in which we feel obligated to always fill our time.

This has led to a stress filled world where we often find ourselves saying that we do not have time. Yes work is important. It is what helps us survive. But why can’t you schedule in some time for yourself, the way you would an executive meeting? You shouldn’t have to wait for a vacation!

Here is a list of quick ‘taking time out for yourself’ suggestions:

Gaze at the Stars 

Be in awe of all the wonders our world possesses…

Admire Nature

Take a seat on the ground… How awesome was that as a child?

Watch a Sunset

The beauty will always take your breath away!

Stroll along the beach

If you are lucky enough be sure to feel the sand beneath your feet.


Fact:Love your Brain

Stress kills brain cells; a calm environment permits their growth. So help them out and give them a nice place to live.


Affirmation:Clock

I have all the time in the world. I am surrounded by love and beauty.


Inspiration:

BOOK

If You Could See Me Now

by Cecelia Ahern

Genre: Fiction

If You Could See Me Now - Book

MOVIE

Point Break

Time: 123 min

Genre: Crime/Thriller

Point Break - Movie


SONG

What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong


Advice, Personal Growth, Self-love

Me, Myself and I

Love MeWe hear and read so much about the importance of ‘self-love‘. The same can be said of ‘selflessness‘. Unfortunately the one often comes at the expense of the other.

Why do most of us struggle to find a balance?

Audrey Hepburn said, “AS YOU GROW OLDER, YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU HAVE TWO HANDS, ONE FOR HELPING YOURSELF, THE OTHER FOR HELPING OTHERS.”

Most of us have “helping others” down to a tee, but need help in the helping yourself ” department.

We perceive it more rewarding to do for others than for ourselves. This mindset can lead to feelings of guilt when you consider doing something nice for yourself.

It’s important to know that we all need a break, that we deserve a break and that a break is essential to our well being. Your break-time doesn’t need to cost you a fortune or be too time consuming. You’ll be amazed at how revitalizing & invigorating some of the simplest things can be.

50-ways-to-take-a-break

When we think of the word compassion, most of us will consider it in the context of feeling it for someone else or having it for someone else… but what about ourselves?

Don’t you deserve the same for yourself, from yourself?

Practice Self-Compassion

Often we fail to realise that by not seeing to our own well-being first, we are in fact doing an injustice to all.Wake Up

It’s really quite simple; when you are emotionally and physically “good”, you improve your capability of doing “good” for yourself and others.

YOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE IN YOUR HEART… REMEMBER TO GIVE YOURSELF SOME…


Fact:Hovering Butterfly

A butterfly cannot survive on nectar alone and occasionally sips from mud puddles, i.e. puddling.


Affirmation:Sparkling Heart

I love myself, I approve of myself and I accept myself exactly as I am!


Inspiration:

BOOK

Eat, Pray, Love

by Elizabeth Gilbert

Genre: Memoir

Eat Pray Love - Book

MOVIE

Eat, Pray, Love

Time: 140 min

Genre: Drama/Romance

Eat Pray Love - Movie


SONG

Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston