Advice, Children, Life Lessons, Parents, Self-love

Teaching Children To Choose

There are so many things I may have done differently had I the courage to make different choices. You often hear people say: “If only I knew then, what I know now”. Okay, so you may not have had the knowledge back then, but what about chances missed because of a negative mindset or out of fear.

Caregivers choose to do what they think is best and may question the concept of children making their own decisions. You may even think it a load of ‘BS’, especially if you’re more old school with a, ‘you will do as I say’, attitude. I’m not challenging parenting styles, especially not on major welfare issues. No, I’m considering minor things which can inculcate well thought out decision making from a young age. You’ll be amazed at children’s insight and how responsible they can be. We can even learn from them. It’s definitely a two-way street. Yes, they may see the world through rose-coloured glasses, but maybe as adults it’s good to be reminded of this because our choices are ultimately very different when all we see is doom and gloom.

Learning Life Lessons

Eating choices = Good health/Self-love.
Allowing children to choose what they dish-up, with a little persuasion in the vegetable department, encourages them to make good choices, even if this only takes full effect once they’re much older, but hopefully it is enough to cement a healthy relationship with food that circumvents any future eating disorders.

Entertainment choices = Compromise/Acceptance.
Discussing and giving everyone a chance to choose the family movie teaches little ones about compromise and to accept other peoples choices. With this comes the realization that not everything is in your control, nor do you always get what you want. They do however have control over their actions; sulk for not getting their way or be happy and enjoy the movie. 

Clothing choices = Rules/Commonsense.
The simplicity of being able to choose what to wear at the weekend, as apposed to a compulsory school uniform, helps children learn about protocols. You may have a tussle on your hands when there’s a special event, but the upside to this is them learning social norms, which instills a level of decorum that will benefit them immensely in the grownup world.

Money choices = Patience/Decisiveness.
Assisting young ones to save and allowing them to choose how to spend it, gives them insight into living with the consequences of their choices. It’s also the perfect opportunity for them to learn about comparing what they can afford and deciding on whether to continue saving for something more expensive that’s of a better quality. This can imprint that important decisions should not be made in hast and hopefully also negate instant gratification which is a major problem with today’s generation.

Friend choices = Communication/Self-growth.
Choosing friends is always challenging because figuring out who will support, uplift and encourage, instead of breaking you down is difficult at any age. All you can do is discuss and give advice because your best case scenario is to hope that they experience as little hurt, heartache, pain and disappointment as possible.

Action Choices = Tolerance/Responsibility
Growing up can be hard because kids are often cruel. The onus lies upon adults to steer children towards transforming their world into a better place. Love rather than hate. Accept rather than ostracize. Tolerate rather than vindicate. Grasping these concepts, as well as knowing right from wrong and understanding the consequences of harming another person will help eradicate many of the societal problems we are faced with today.

Study choices = Time Management/Consequences
Advocate, ‘what you put in, is what you get out’; meaning, that doing the work usually equates in good results, but also inform them that sometimes this correlation is skewed and then it’s best not to berate yourself because if you tried your best then you need to be proud of yourself either way. The same sentiment goes for not expecting great results if you did not put in the work. They need to be content with what they get and if not, then you can advise them on how to improve.

Environment Choices = Cleanliness/Forethought.
Getting children to see the concord between; clean room, clean mind and clean environment, clean life, is really important for them to keep their surroundings neat and tidy. This also teaches them to appreciation and be proud of what they have and to understand that everything lasts longer when looked after and taken care of. It may be helpful to explain that anything can be taken away from you at anytime and this applies to their personal belongings, as well as the condition of Mother-earth and the world around us.

Thought Choices = Perseverance/Positivity
Negative thoughts are natural, so it’s imperative to teach young people a positive self dialogue because there’s nothing better than being equipped with the emotional armor and knowledge that the bad you are experiencing will not last forever. The thought of, ‘this to shall pass’, will help them make clear choices based on the importance of what makes them happy, instead of being influenced by naysayers.

Childhood lessons, with positive reinforcement, gives rise to strong confident adults who have the tools and abilities to easily navigate their way through life.


Water Bear InfoFact :

It’s virtually impossible to kill a tardigrade (waterbear). You can freeze, boil, crush, zap with radiation or deprive it of food and water for years, but this eight-legged microscopic creature will still wiggle its way back to life.


Affirmation :Baby Mickey Mouse Mirror

I am the very best me I can be!


Quote :


Inspiration :

BOOK
I Think, I Am
by Louise Hay & Kristina Tracy
Genre : Children Self-help

MOVIE
The Emoji Movie
Time : 1hr 26min
Genre : Animation/Sci-fi Adventure

SONG

Brave by Sara Bareilles


Something Cute – ENJOY 😊


Advice, Inspiration, Self-love

The Power of Choice

 

I had an epiphany when I came across the statement; “choosing to not make a choice, is a choice in itself”. It made me rethink my past; considering where I blamed others for an experience, when in actual fact it was me who had allowed it. So no-one else was to blame, but me… That then took me on a whole new negative journey; blaming myself instead of others.Mind Power

Fortunately with extra life experience, books, movies and therapy, I came to the conclusion that using words with negative connotations rarely produces anything positive in your life. Now when rethinking the above, I choose to replace the word “blame” with “responsible”; so no-one else was responsible, but me.

Taking ownership of all that happens in your LIFE is empowering in itself, even if the results aren’t entirely favourable. It’s amazing how a shift in thinking can alter your sentiment with regards to any situation and give rise to a totally different emotional response. We relinquish our power when, consciously or unconsciously, we allow others to steer our lives. The same goes for just letting life happen because in doing so, you render yourself helpless.The Adult

It’s a bit difficult rethinking what you could have done as a child because your PARENTS were in charge and they made all the decisions. You didn’t really have any power over what happened, but now your power lies in how you choose to view those choices that were made for you.

Caregivers choose to do what they think is best for you at the time. People of yesteryear questioned less and were more accepting of authoritarian figures. This conditioning led to automatic decision making, based on old mindsets passed on from previous generations, so even though circumstances had changed, often the responses did not. Breaking this cycle, with out of the box thinking, was very difficult because you had to challenge all that you were taught. The youth of today can speak up for themselves more easily, challenging those in charge, especially if what’s happening to them is deemed oppressive because there is more recourse.

Three ChoicesMaking life choices is trying at the best of times and having the responsibility of doing so for others, is even worst. Fortunately there’s a positive to every negative thought or feeling. If little people are under your care, then you have been gifted with a great opportunity to equip them with the necessary skills to make smart personal choices. You can start to inculcate decision making from a very young age by allowing them to decide on what to wear or how to spend their saving. Yes, these may be very simple decisions, but the experience of being responsible and learning to take charge of your own choices will greatly benefit them in the future.

DecisionsAs adults we are all faced with tough decisions and indecisiveness can be very overwhelming and stressful. The inability to make calculated choices for ourselves can be draining and that may lead us to allow others to take charge. This can result in major problems which can be emotionally stifling and even crippling later on in life.

Coffee Not CrackIf you’re lucky enough to come from a background where you obtained all the necessary skills to make your own decisions, then you’ll be in a position to live a life without regret because you’re able to take ownership of all that’s happening in your life. Should this not be the case and you find yourself pondering what you would have done differently if given a do-over, you could find yourself stuck in a horrible place filled with self-doubt and regret.

Question Lifes DecisionsDo not fret if you’re in an unhappy place, questioning all that you’ve done thus far. From this comes personal growth, but only if you take the time to FORGIVE yourself and others for past experiences. Evaluate your current situation and know that you can choose to do whatever makes you happy at anytime. It’s never too late. You’ll need to weigh all the pros and cons to establish what is and will be most beneficial to you in the long run. Your emotional happiness and mental sanity depends on it.

You’ll have a whole lot to contemplate if you’re sitting with a work or RELATIONSHIP conundrum. Children will definitely complicate these decisions. Many parents make detrimental decisions considering what they think is best for their children. What they fail to realize is that, what’s good for them is most probably best for their children as well because a happy person makes for a happy parent. The task of making life changing decisions is not always easy. It may take some sacrifice; maybe even relinquishing some creature comforts you’ve become accustom to.

Wrong Career ChoiceWhether you’re stuck in a job that’s unrewarding or in a relationship that is unfulfilling, questioning all your life’s choices or lack thereof, it’s good to reflect on how all these things came about. We need to question what criteria forms the bases of our decision making. It’s imperative that we consciously weigh all the information at hand before drawing to any conclusions, including: how we feel, what we know to be true and have learned from experience. This is often not the case, especially when life seems too chaotic. That’s when we find ourselves reverting to autopilot choices or procrastination because the whole process feels like too much of an effort. Many people fear making changes to remedy their situations because they are afraid of making the wrong choice. Valuable lessons often come from what we perceive to be a “wrong life choice” because it resulted in a bad experience or situation, but that may be the very catalyst needed to lead you to your blissful state. You have to be willing to take a chance and sometimes your safest choice is not always the best choice, but that is still your choice because you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences. 

Lifes ChoicesAlways doing things to please others opens a whole can of worms. By doing so you lose yourself and afterwards you may not even be able to identify what you love, want or makes you happy. To ensure your happiness you have to believe in doing what’s best for you because you are deserving of everything good in this life. If you’ve always been a ‘people-pleaser’, then this change in attitude will be met with resistance. The people close to you or that you come into contact with on the daily will start to question: “Who is this person?” and “What happened to the person we knew?”. Arguments will ensue. Just be calm. Explain your position. If they respect, love and care about you, then they will understand and come to terms with your new disposition. If not, then they are not worthy of your time or energy! You are in control. You always have a choice. This is your power and your HAPPINESS does count. You can’t please or make everyone else happy all of the time, so why not choose to please and make yourself happy instead.

Happiness


Fact :

dog walkingDogs are most likely to run to you on your return and this is often interpreted as love and affection. Part of that reason may be because they are solely dependent on you.

kitten exploringCats are more likely to do things on their own and just because they may not run to your side, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are cold or unfeeling. They’re just minglers and explorers.


Affirmation :Oswald Happy Rabbit

I choose with love and my choices always steer me in the best direction possible.


Quote :Good Or Bad

You are the TOTAL SUM of all your LIFE CHOICES…


Inspiration :

BOOK
My Sister’s Keeper
by Jodi Picoult
Genre : Novel / Domestic Fiction

MOVIE
Groundhog Day
Time : 1hr 41min
Genre : Drama/Fantasy

SONG

Power by Little Mix


Something Thought Provoking 🤔😏🧐😲

Please Make Time To Watch This

Advice, Compassion, Personal Growth, Self-love

Self-Harm, All Guilty!

We all fall prey to self-harm when the mental, physical and emotional pain or strain we feel becomes too great to bear.

Self-Criticism, Self-Sabotage, Self-Exertion, Self-Deprivation, Self-Mutilation, they all harm the self! It matters not what you do or to which level you do it, the result is the same. You are harming yourself. This can happen on a minor or major scale, some of which others will be able to observe and some only you will be aware of.

Self-harm is the result of judgement. This could be from others or ourselves. The basis for these judgmental thought patterns can be all of our own doing or maybe it stems from conditioning.

Much of what we do or how we go about doing things can be explained from what we’ve experienced, learnt and accepted to be true from a young age. Negative reinforcement comes from our childhood. This was how we were taught what behaviour is acceptable. “NO! Do NOT do that!” It denoted what was needed and expected from us to conform to societies norms in order to fit in. No-one is to be blame. It is what it is. The best thing that you can do is to assist yourself to unlearn this negative narrative by any positive means possibly and necessary.What is Self Compassion

Negativity eats away at our inner most being and is the culprit responsible for causing heartache and pain. Many of the ways we negate this pain can be detrimental to our health. We are all guilty of the following; it’s only the degree to which we do it that differs:

Self-criticism
Inner VoiceI’m too short, too tall, too fat, too thin…., whatever it may be. The strangest thing about our fault finding is that someone else out there sees it as the solution to all their problems. The lack of self-acceptance is the gateway to all types of self-harm. It starts with a negative thought pattern which goes hand in hand with negative emotions. The most important thing is to be able to realise when you are heading down this path, so that you can steer yourself in a more opposite direction or be able to seek help if you aren’t able to achieve this on your own. Know that you are not alone in this plight.

Self-sabotage
Exams are a month away…, so why delay doing revision or the start of your studies? Quarterly work reports…, you literally have a 3 month head start to plan and strategize, so why leave it until the last minute? Procrastination…, subconsciously we are setting ourselves up for failure. Could it be because we feel undeserving…, and undeserving of what? What is the reason behind this belief pattern? Why do we delay our own good? Only you know the answers. Knowing the answers will make it easier to change your thought patterns, but even if you can’t find them, the change is still possible. You must just be willing and prepared to take the time to do the mental work. “I deserve the very best that life has to offer!” You have to think this, say this and eventually you will believe this. This belief pattern will help you break the cycle and then your new narrative will in-turn bring about a new attitude; one that allows you to enjoy all the good in your life.

Self-Exertion
Working till all hours, exercising excessively, sometimes we just don’t know how to slow down or stand up for ourselves. Whether your reasons are to excel or to block feelings, these actions will probably yield good short-term results. Unfortunately, it can’t last. Unless you alight from this negative train and board a positive one; taking better care of yourself, you are heading straight for a breakdown or meltdown.Negative Talk

Self-Deprivation
Starvation or overeating, we all do it, but it doesn’t pose a problem for most. Anorexia, bulimia, obesity, it all started from somewhere. We weren’t born wanting to do this to ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism and not a good one. Our bodies need constant nourishment and sustenance from healthy foods and restful sleep. Insomnia is often the result of not being able to switch off. Sleep deprivation can have such a negative effect on your body. It’s not just about beauty on the outside; it’s also about your insides, the way your body works. You know how your work is substandard when you are tired, so consider how your body must be struggling under these circumstances to perform all the necessary functions that are continuously needed. When you are not good on the inside, then you cannot be good on the outside and this could result in you being a nervous wreck and constantly at the end of your tether. Only you are in control of what you put into your body and how you chose to take care of it. This decision lies solely with you. You are privileged to be in charge of this wonderful machine that you call your body. Being in this position, makes you all powerful, so be sure to use it wisely.

Self-Mutilation

Shit ThoughtsAnything we do that is not good for us or our bodies is mutilation. Upon hearing self-mutilation, most people only think of something physical like cutting or burning, but this should not be the case. What about drug addiction and alcoholism? The thing about mutilation, is that it can happen on an emotional, mental and physical level. You are more than just your physical self. You comprise of your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, what you consume, how you treat yourself and the esteem in which you hold yourself. Negative thoughts harm you emotionally and bring you down. They literally start mutilating you from within. It matters not whether these negatively charged thoughts are geared towards yourself or others. It occupies mental space which hampers your ability to function. Positive thought patterns on the other hand will pick you up and lead to you doing good for yourself and others.

Please be realistic about overcoming this conditioning because it cannot be permanently undone. All you can do is to remain vigilant, so that every time ‘self-harm’ rears its ugly head, your ‘self-compassion’ is right there to chop it off. It’s important to have self-compassion because it leads the way to self-acceptance which naturally morphs into self-love. You can be confident in the knowledge that self-harm cannot survive in the presence of SELF-LOVE.More Beautiful Than Harm

We are the only ones who will be with us forever. If we hurt someone else, they have the choice to walk away. Unfortunately we are not awarded this same fortune, so remember to be your own best friend. Do for yourself all those nice things you would for someone else because you are your very own special someone.


Fact:Monkey Mother Grooming

Monkeys sometimes pull out their hair. Maybe its because of a previous trauma. Babies observe this behaviour and then do it themselves. Some mothers are even guilty of “grooming gone wild” with regards to the little ones.


Dazzling HeartAffirmation:

My body is magnificently wondrous and beautiful in every way and I always treat myself with loving care and support.


Quote:Sparkling Rainbow

If your compassion does not include yourself, then it is incomplete. (Buddha)


Inspiration:

BOOK
Mastery of Self - BOOK

 

The Mastery Of Self
by  Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
Genre : Self-help (Mind, Body & Spirit)

 

MOVIE
The Karen Carpenter Story - MOVIE

 

The Karen Carpenter Story
Time : 1hr 28min
Genre : Biography/Drama/Music

 

SONG


Advice, Life, Self-love

From Good To Bad For You


You drive past a jogger and with admiration you think, “What dedication and perseverance!”. You come across a well organised desk and you think, “It must be amazing to always have everything so neat and tidy!”. You are at a luncheon and your co-worker orders a salad with no dessert and you think, “Now that is great willpower and self-control!”.

What you do not know is the reasons behind all those seemingly good things. Some-times what appears good on the outside may stem from a not so good place on the inside.

jog-eat-drinkThe jogging may have started as a stress release which is good, but then as the stress increases, the jogging also increases and afterwards that coping mechanism could start taking a toll on your body… shinsplints, hairline fractures, or worse.

eat-skinny

Many try to adjust their eating habits and begin making healthier foods choices but if or when you find yourself in a slump and not able to deal with emotional stress you may find yourself becoming more strict on your eating habits. This can escalate to such a degree that it leads to very restrictive eating or the total opposite is also possible, and you may find yourself overeating uncontrollably.

Having everything neat and tidy may have always been your thing, even as a child or maybe that only came about later on in life. Irrespective of when… it’s nice to have order in your life but should you feel as if you are loosing a handle on your life, you may find yourself obsessing too much over your surroundings. In the worst case scenario, this could spiral into a compulsive behavior which can ultimately cripple your life.

ocd-add

The above scenarios initially stemmed from seemingly good habits, but they can ultimately lead to disorders that are bad for your health. None of us are able to control everything in our lives but do various things in order to feel in control of something. It all stems from the helplessness experienced when your world seems to be spinning out of control. We may not be aware of this occurrence because it often happens on a subconscious level before it manifests in our physical world. The shift from being good for you’ to becoming bad for you’ is very subtle. Most of us will not notice it as a problem until something happens to bring it to our attention or someone else makes mention of it.

Perfectionism, dedication, perseverance, willpower and self-control are perceived by many as great qualities and are often praised. This is the main reason why it is difficult to comprehend that any of these qualities could escalate into something negative.

The time old saying “EVERYTHING IN MODERATION” is obliviously more knowledgeable than we think. Or maybe we do think it but fail to realize when we pass the point of moderation. There are always signs along the way. It is up to us to stop and take notice. We need to remain conscious about finding a balance between all the things that occupy your time so that no one thing monopolizes it.

I wish you a very long and happy life of moderation.


Fact:Crocodile and Bird

Some birds nest in crocodile or alligator infested areas. This may be because they help clear away snakes and other predators that feast on birds and their eggs. So this seemingly bad decision, that could get them eaten, in actual fact increases the chance of their off-spring surviving.


Affirmation:Lightbulb Jumping

I love myself, therefore all that I decide to do is always in my best interest and for my highest good. 


Quote:Diciding Emoji

Your life is the total sum of all your decisions, so decide wisely!


Inspiration:

BOOK

The Singles Game - BOOK

 
 
The Singles Game
by Lauren Weisberer
Genre : Romance Novel/Sports Fiction
 

MOVIE
As Good As It Gets - MOVIE

Title : As Good as It Gets
Time : 2hr 19min
Genre : Drama/Romance

SONG
Be Alright by Kehlani