Personal Growth – finding your persona

I’m sure you’ve come across the words: “You’re perfect just the way you are!”, and you may have responded somewhere along the lines of: “Am I really?”. We often segment ourselves, ridiculing different parts saying: “I like this, but not that…”, whereas others tend to see and look at us as a whole and are probably less likely to pinpoint the flaws we nitpick about.

What we perceive as flaws are often the defining characteristics other people find appealing and attractive. Even though we hear phrases like, “we can’t all be the same” and “we are all unique”, most of us at some point just want to fit in and not be different or stand out. The attributes that make you unique are often the ones you wish away. Being accepted by your peers feels important and no matter how many people tell you its not or that it doesn’t matter, it still affects you none the less. People who sing this song probably didn’t have the problem or they’ve already overcome the hurdle of accepting themselves exactly as they are.

‘If you like and accept yourself, others will to’, is a concept that does not ring true for everyone. There are some fortunate individuals to whom everyone is attracted, even though they may secretly not like or even accept themselves as they are. Onlookers with negative feelings about themselves will wish to trade places, thinking that likability would automatically solve their problems and assist to materialize all their hopes and dreams. On the other hand, some people often find themselves on their own and are totally happy and at peace in their own space, but observers may pity them, thinking it’s sad and that they must be very lonely. The lesson here is that situations are not always as it seems and what’s observed or portrayed on the outside may not be what’s prevailing on the inside.

Everyone perceives life differently. We all wish for what we do not have. We fall victim to thinking that we’d be happier if only certain things were different. The jokes on us. Happiness actually only comes from within and this is a result of accepting all our physical attributes and the situations in which we find ourselves. This does not mean that you do not need to strive for better. Oh hell no, that’s just the platform to build on. The mindset of “I’m happy with where I am, how I look and what I do”, puts you in the perfect head-space to be able to improve and excel at anything because it’s always easier starting from a positive place.

I love the sentiment; happiness is not an end destination, meaning to not put your ‘HAPPINESS’ on hold until you achieve something. In order to be happy you need to be content on your journey towards your achievements. If this is not the case you may experience short lived euphoria or an empty, hollow happiness; thinking that it will be better when you reach your next big goal. This negatively charged, goal-shifting habit is extremely detrimental to our well-being. The same goes for putting yourself down if you do not achieve a specific goal you’ve set. We should in actual fact be so proud of ourselves for just trying and even more ecstatic if we achieve what we set out to do.

Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. Our friends, family, partners and co-workers are not perfect. Or are they? When they are in agreement with us and all our actions align, then we see everything as perfect, but when anything is out of sync then it’s as if the whole world is crashing down upon us. Everyone needs to do what they think is best for them and their situation, so things may not always align to your will. In some instances it will be perfect for you and in others, it will feel perfect for someone else. People often place unnecessary expectations on themselves and others to be and act a certain way. We’re normally over the moon, thinking that our world is perfect if things play out as we hoped, but should this not be the case, then major unhappiness ensues. Why does one perfect occurrence need to be at the expense of another or is this just how we perceive life?

The way of the world is to evolve and a conscious internal mind-shift could be the emotional evolution we need to see our lives and ourselves as perfect. Could this really be the answer to a blissful life? If you’re distraught by the current view of your life then why not try on a different perception for size? What’s the worst that could happen; everything may still seem the same or a happy life may be your perfect fit?

So to conclude: “The perfect solution for us may be to graciously accept what we now perceive as imperfect, whether in ourselves or others because that very imperfection may be what is needed to bring about the perfection we so desperately seek.”

Fact :

The Fibonacci sequence, each number being the sum of the two numbers that precede it, (0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, … to infinity), often appears in nature; like the number of petals in a flower. These petals are also placed according The Golden Ratio, at 0.618034 per turn around a 360° circle, which allows the best possible exposure to sunlight.

Affirmation :

I am PERFECT just the way I am!

Quote :

Inspiration :

BOOK
Anne of Green Gables
by Lucy Maud Montgomery
Genre : Children Novel

MOVIE
The Princess Diaries
Time : 1hr 55min
Genre : Romance/Comedy

SONG
Perfect To Me by Anne-Marie

BLOG POSTS

POETRY

We all fall prey to self-harm when the mental, physical and emotional pain or strain we feel becomes too great to bear.

Self-Criticism, Self-Sabotage, Self-Exertion, Self-Deprivation, Self-Mutilation, they all harm the self! It matters not what you do or to which level you do it, the result is the same. You are harming yourself. This can happen on a minor or major scale, some of which others will be able to observe and some only you will be aware of.

Self-harm is the result of judgement. This could be from others or ourselves. The basis for these judgmental thought patterns can be all of our own doing or maybe it stems from conditioning.

Much of what we do or how we go about doing things can be explained from what we’ve experienced, learnt and accepted to be true from a young age. Negative reinforcement comes from our childhood. This was how we were taught what behaviour is acceptable. “NO! Do NOT do that!” It denoted what was needed and expected from us to conform to societies norms in order to fit in. No-one is to be blame. It is what it is. The best thing that you can do is to assist yourself to unlearn this negative narrative by any positive means possibly and necessary.

Negativity eats away at our inner most being and is the culprit responsible for causing heartache and pain. Many of the ways we negate this pain can be detrimental to our health. We are all guilty of the following; it’s only the degree to which we do it that differs:

Self-criticism
I’m too short, too tall, too fat, too thin…., whatever it may be. The strangest thing about our fault finding is that someone else out there sees it as the solution to all their problems. The lack of self-acceptance is the gateway to all types of self-harm. It starts with a negative thought pattern which goes hand in hand with negative emotions. The most important thing is to be able to realise when you are heading down this path, so that you can steer yourself in a more opposite direction or be able to seek help if you aren’t able to achieve this on your own. Know that you are not alone in this plight.

Self-sabotage
Exams are a month away…, so why delay doing revision or the start of your studies? Quarterly work reports…, you literally have a 3 month head start to plan and strategize, so why leave it until the last minute? Procrastination…, subconsciously we are setting ourselves up for failure. Could it be because we feel undeserving…, and undeserving of what? What is the reason behind this belief pattern? Why do we delay our own good? Only you know the answers. Knowing the answers will make it easier to change your thought patterns, but even if you can’t find them, the change is still possible. You must just be willing and prepared to take the time to do the mental work. “I deserve the very best that life has to offer!” You have to think this, say this and eventually you will believe this. This belief pattern will help you break the cycle and then your new narrative will in-turn bring about a new attitude; one that allows you to enjoy all the good in your life.

Self-Exertion
Working till all hours, exercising excessively, sometimes we just don’t know how to slow down or stand up for ourselves. Whether your reasons are to excel or to block feelings, these actions will probably yield good short-term results. Unfortunately, it can’t last. Unless you alight from this negative train and board a positive one; taking better care of yourself, you are heading straight for a breakdown or meltdown.

Self-Deprivation
Starvation or overeating, we all do it, but it doesn’t pose a problem for most. Anorexia, bulimia, obesity, it all started from somewhere. We weren’t born wanting to do this to ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism and not a good one. Our bodies need constant nourishment and sustenance from healthy foods and restful sleep. Insomnia is often the result of not being able to switch off. Sleep deprivation can have such a negative effect on your body. It’s not just about beauty on the outside; it’s also about your insides, the way your body works. You know how your work is substandard when you are tired, so consider how your body must be struggling under these circumstances to perform all the necessary functions that are continuously needed. When you are not good on the inside, then you cannot be good on the outside and this could result in you being a nervous wreck and constantly at the end of your tether. Only you are in control of what you put into your body and how you chose to take care of it. This decision lies solely with you. You are privileged to be in charge of this wonderful machine that you call your body. Being in this position, makes you all powerful, so be sure to use it wisely.

Self-Mutilation

Anything we do that is not good for us or our bodies is mutilation. Upon hearing self-mutilation, most people only think of something physical like cutting or burning, but this should not be the case. What about drug addiction and alcoholism? The thing about mutilation, is that it can happen on an emotional, mental and physical level. You are more than just your physical self. You comprise of your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, what you consume, how you treat yourself and the esteem in which you hold yourself. Negative thoughts harm you emotionally and bring you down. They literally start mutilating you from within. It matters not whether these negatively charged thoughts are geared towards yourself or others. It occupies mental space which hampers your ability to function. Positive thought patterns on the other hand will pick you up and lead to you doing good for yourself and others.

Please be realistic about overcoming this conditioning because it cannot be permanently undone. All you can do is to remain vigilant, so that every time ‘self-harm’ rears its ugly head, your ‘self-compassion’ is right there to chop it off. It’s important to have self-compassion because it leads the way to self-acceptance which naturally morphs into self-love. You can be confident in the knowledge that self-harm cannot survive in the presence of self-love.

We are the only ones who will be with us forever. If we hurt someone else, they have the choice to walk away. Unfortunately we are not awarded this same fortune, so remember to be your own best friend. Do for yourself all those nice things you would for someone else because you are your very own special someone.

Fact:

Monkeys sometimes pull out their hair. Maybe its because of a previous trauma. Babies observe this behaviour and then do it themselves. Some mothers are even guilty of “grooming gone wild” with regards to the little ones.